Purpose and Permission

A funny thing happened during a recent seminar I was giving at a financial services firm. We were supposed to be talking about retirement planning. We ended up talking about life.

More specifically, two words kept finding their way into the conversation: Purpose and Permission.

Neither was on my slide deck. They emerged organically from a room full of financial advisors who spend their days talking with people preparing for, entering, and living through retirement. The more we talked, the more I realized how closely those two words are connected. Because a good retirement requires more than having enough money. You also have to know what you want the money for.

Purpose

For decades, much of our purpose can become tied to our careers. And for good reason.

Work surrounds us with goals, achievements, problems to solve, people who depend on us, and the satisfaction that comes from accomplishing something difficult. Our careers may create financial success, but the money itself usually isn't the purpose. It's the challenge, the contribution, and the relationships.

The feeling that what we do matters to someone else -- our coworkers, our clients, our friends, our spouses, children, siblings, and parents.

In many ways, purpose is the feeling of being needed, connected, and useful.

That isn't just anecdotal. The Harvard Study of Adult Development has followed people for more than 85 years, making it one of the longest-running studies of adult life and well-being. One of its clearest findings is remarkably simple: Good relationships help keep us happier and healthier.

Not fame. Not professional achievement. Not simply accumulating more money.

Relationships.

Which raises an interesting question: When the career ends, where does that connection come from?

Over the past year, I've asked retirees what gives them a sense of purpose now. Here are three answers I haven't forgotten.

“This is going to sound silly, but joining my local Rotary Club has been really valuable. The motto in Rotary is ‘Service Above Self.’ I like that. And I like engaging every week with other people who believe in that too. We have common ground. It brings me a lot of joy.”

Another didn't hesitate:

“My grandkids. I go to their swim meets, soccer games, and choir concerts. Watching my daughter raise good humans and being there for her family however and whenever I can is truly all I need.”

And one of my favorites:

“Going for daily walks with my husband of 52 years. Holding his hand and just being together. We do crossword puzzles in the morning while we sip coffee on the porch. We travel a little, but honestly, it's the little things that give me my purpose.”

Three completely different answers. All completely right.

Purpose doesn't need to be impressive. It just needs to be yours.

It might be volunteering. Grandchildren. Faith. Travel. Mentoring. Learning. Building something. Caring for someone. Starting a business. Playing pickleball three mornings a week with people who make you laugh.

Purpose gives us something to move toward. And that becomes especially important when the structure and identity of a career begin to disappear.

Find your purpose. Then give yourself permission to pursue it.

Permission

A mentor said something to me about a year ago that I've thought about ever since.

“You know, Ben, I've spent the last 40 years saying ‘no’ to things so I could provide for my four daughters and have enough for retirement. And I did that quite well. But what I haven't figured out is how to say ‘yes’ to some things.”

There it is.

Permission.

For 30 or 40 years, many successful retirees became successful precisely because they were disciplined.

Save.

Invest.

Delay gratification.

Don't spend too much.

Prepare for the unexpected.

Say no today so you can have more tomorrow.

Then tomorrow arrives, and some can’t flip the switch.

The habits that helped someone accumulate wealth don't automatically disappear simply because the retirement party happened.

I sometimes describe retirement as climbing a mountain. People spend decades preparing to reach the summit. They save. Invest. Plan. Sacrifice. Adjust. Then one day they make it. Retirement. And they discover that reaching the top wasn't the entire journey.

Now they have to figure out how to get back down.

That can be surprisingly difficult, because every opportunity to say “yes” can trigger another question.

What if the market falls?

What if inflation keeps increasing?

What if we live longer than expected?

What if one of us needs care?

What if we spend too much now and regret it later?

Those are legitimate concerns. But here's the interesting part: The plan that got you up the mountain worked because you had a plan.

Perhaps enjoying the trip down deserves one too.

Permission doesn't mean spending recklessly. It means building enough confidence, flexibility, and options into the plan that every decision doesn't have to begin with fear.

Permission to travel while you're healthy enough to enjoy it.

Permission to help a child or grandchild when the help matters most.

Permission to renovate the house you intend to stay in.

Permission to volunteer instead of taking another job.

Permission to learn something new.

Permission to spend some of the money you've spent decades accumulating.

And maybe most importantly: Permission to pursue your purpose.

So What Does a Reverse Mortgage Have to Do With Any of This?

Maybe more than it appears at first.

One of the biggest challenges in retirement isn't necessarily a lack of assets.

Sometimes it's where the money has to come from.

Want to take the trip? Sell investments.

Need $75,000 for renovations? Use savings.

Want to help the kids? Take another distribution.

Need additional liquidity during a bad market? Again, turn to the portfolio.

Those may all be perfectly reasonable choices. But what if the money didn't have to come from there?

For many homeowners, particularly those who have spent decades paying down a mortgage and building equity, the house has discreetly become one of their largest assets. Yet it is often left completely outside the retirement-income conversation.

A reverse mortgage can potentially change that. Not because everyone should get one. And not because home equity should pay for everything. But because accessing a portion of that equity can create another source of liquidity available to the plan.

Another bucket.

Another lever.

Another option.

That liquidity might be used to reduce pressure on an investment portfolio, establish a reserve, address an unexpected expense, improve the home, help family, or fund something the homeowner has been reluctant to do because every dollar otherwise must come from savings or investments.

The point isn't simply to borrow money. The point is optionality. And that's where the connection to Purpose and Permission becomes interesting.

A reverse mortgage doesn't give someone purpose. It doesn't tell them what matters. And it certainly doesn't replace a thoughtful financial plan.

But for the right homeowner, incorporating home equity into that plan may create enough additional flexibility to make saying “yes” a little easier.

Maybe that's the conversation we should be having more often. Not simply, “Do I have enough money to retire?” But, “Have I built a retirement plan that gives me the freedom to actually live the retirement I worked so hard to create?”

Purpose tells you why. Permission allows you to act on it. And a good financial plan should make room for both.

One More Question

If you're approaching retirement, already retired, or helping someone you care about navigate this stage of life, consider one more question: Is your current plan giving you enough flexibility to say “yes” to the things that matter most?

If the answer is “maybe,” home equity may be worth including in the conversation.

I help homeowners, families, and financial professionals evaluate how a reverse mortgage could fit into a broader retirement plan, including when it makes sense, when it doesn't, and what other options should be considered. If you'd like to explore what that could look like for you or someone you know, send me a message or contact me to start a conversation.

No pressure. No predetermined answer. Just a better understanding of the options available to you.